Self-Care 1.0 // Covering Your Basics

Oh the distinct images that come to my mind when I think back on when I started my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. When I officially began grad school years ago I remember being both so very passionate, excited, and even confident in ways, and at the same time terrified, insecure, and self-conscious (if I'm being honest). I had so many questions. Such as, "What will all of these other individuals entering into the counseling world be like and what will they think of me?" And, "I think I know some of what I'll learn, but what will I actually learn?" Some of my education was more in-line what what I expected. More of my education than not, however, ended up being more in the "unexpected category." And that's mainly because there were a lot of things I needed to learn that I just wasn't aware of yet!

One such thing I didn't expect to spend so much time discussing and learning about is something the Mental Health community likes to call "self-care."  To be quite honest with you, I don't think I had even heard the phrase "self-care" before, but suddenly it seemed like it was “the thing” professors and supervisors would discuss and ask us about most frequently. To this day I still have many of my past supervisors' words embedded in my brain... "How are you doing with self-care?" 

So, what is self-care?

To give you the very short and non-descriptive answer, self-care is basically exactly what it sounds like. It is in fact doing various things to “take care of yourself.” While this definition of self-care might initially sound pretty basic and simple, I can tell you that I have yet to work with a client who didn’t want to or need to work on at least some level of their self-care. And if this is starting to feel like just another "to-do list" to you, then you are missing the heart of it --

Self-Care is not about "fixing" or "perfecting" you. It is not a nagging to-do list. In fact it is quite the opposite. Self-Care is the compassionate voice telling you that you are human. You have limits. That you need to recharge and that it's okay to speak up for yourself and draw boundaries in the midst of a world that tells us to "do it all." You are not superman or superwoman. 

Below are a couple of questions I frequently ask my clients to help them evaluate if they could benefit from some adjustments in this area:

1. “I know you spend a lot of time making sure others are okay, but are you making sure that YOU are okay?"

2. "Does the stress in your life feel manageable? How often are you feeling overwhelmed, anxious or exhausted?" 

3. “Are you feeling fully “yourself” and fully “alive” right now?”
 

Did these questions hit you a little bit differently? If you are like me or many of the individuals that I work with, my guess is that you can identify with this notion of not being quite at 100%.

The longer I have been a psychotherapist and worked on my own self-care as well as helped my clients in this area, the more I have learned that there are actually what I like to think of as two different “kinds” of self-care. I like to refer to it as “Self-Care 1.0,” aka: “Covering Your Basics,” and “Self-Care 2.0,” aka: “Having a Self-Care Practice.” Both 1.0 and 2.0 are very important, but I believe it is highly beneficial to understand their difference and to work towards implementing both “levels” into your life. 

Most of the definitions of self-care seem to fall into more of what I would describe as the category of “Self-Care 1.0,” or “Covering Your Basics.” For example, self-care has been defined as providing adequate attention to one’s own physical and psychological wellness (Beauchamp & Childress, 2001). Clinical psychologist Agnes Wainman defines self-care this way: “Something that refuels us, rather than takes from us.”

Taking care of yourself is frequently described as being intentional in defining and prioritizing specific and even measurable actions you can engage in that “fill” your metaphorical “tank.”

When it comes to implementing Self-Care 1.0 I often encourage clients to start first with evaluating how they are doing in “covering their basics.” Next I encourage my clients to identify specific actions they can do to increase their self-care and then schedule these specific actions into their calendars and to-do lists.  

Below is a list of some questions you can ask yourself to help evaluate how you are doing in “covering your basics” aka: “Self-Care 1.0” —

• How much sleep am I getting? Am I getting 7-9 hours as recommended? 
• Am I skipping meals because I’m “too busy” to eat? Am I getting adequate nutrition?
• How often am I exercising or being active? 
• Am I making time to relax? 
• Am I having fun and making time to play?
• How often do I laugh?
• Do I need to increase my support system? Do I have people I can confide in and talk openly with?
• Do I hear others complain about how much I work? Do I take work home with me?
• How much time do I make to connect with friends, colleagues, family, community?
• Do I have personal hobbies?
• Do I experience increased stress due to frequent procrastination?
• Do I need to increase my spiritual resources?

While this is not a comprehensive list, hopefully this is helpful in starting to think through different areas of your life and "how you are doing" as it relates to "covering your basics." For each question you identify a lack of self-care, take some time to identify something you can tangibly “do” to work towards your goal in this area. For example, if it stands out to you that you are not spending as much time with your friends as you would like, then ask yourself, “What are one or two things I can do this next week that will help work towards my goal of spending more time with friends?” For example, do you find you end up having a longer lunch-break one day of the week than normal? Could you work towards meeting a friend for lunch on those days or planning a “phone date” with one of your friends?

Here's a pro-tip for you:
If you are struggling to think through "what" specifically you can schedule into your weeks to increase your self-care, then I find it can be helpful to allow yourself to have a "brain-storming session." Sometimes it is hard to see other options or different ways to go about doing something. This is when it is helpful to "give yourself permission" to be as creative as possible. Try to list as many options as you can think of, even if they sound "impractical" or "out of the box" initially. Believe me, if nothing else, this exercise can at least help "get the creative juices going" and help you to think of options you maybe haven't considered before.

Like I stated earlier in this blog, there are really two different "levels" of self-care. While "covering your basics" is a crucial piece, working on "Having a Self-Care Practice" is a less discussed but highly important element in taking care of yourself and being able to feel like your "best self." Stay posted for more on this in an upcoming blog post.