Game-Plan for "The Holidays"

“The Holidays” — You probably don’t have to be a professional therapist to notice that this one phrase seems to elicit more varied and emotional reactions than just about any other phrase here in America (once could argue). Talk about a Love/Hate relationship. The holidays for many of us includes some exciting and special things that we look forward to! For example, every year I get so excited about the reprieve from summer heat and the coming of fall and winter weather. I mean who doesn’t want to sit by a bonfire and make some s’mores?!? And the holidays also seems to be one of the most stressful times of year for us. 

According to the APA (American Psychological Association) 8 out of 10 people anticipate increased stress over the holidays.

So that’s basically most of us.

While the specific stressors seem to vary some from person to person, some of the general categories that stressors during the holidays seems to fall under includes finances, scheduling, family “drama” and dynamics, health habits, fatigue, and feeling pressure to “make the holidays memorable.” 

One of the big points that I believe we all need to recognize is this:

"The Holidays” is a unique time of the year where we feel tugged in a million different directions, from time with family and friends, to job expectations, to finances, and more. We are all required to either say “yes” or “no” to far more requests than “normal.”

While we may not be able to eliminate stress during the holidays, I have definitely noticed that there are some specific things we can do to help decrease stress and increase enjoyment during this time of year.

Below is a Practical Holiday Game-Plan with a list of specific items or questions I recommend you work through to help manage you and your family’s stress during the season:

Priorities List —

Make a list of priorities you have during the holidays and try to place them in order of importance. Is it important to you that you see your old friend from college when he or she comes in town this year? Do you want to make sure that you and your partner and children have time together without extended family? Take some time to think through if there is anything you will be really disappointed by if it doesn’t happen? If you are coupled or have a family, it works out best if each person engages in this exercise and takes the time to share and honor each other’s priorities.

Stressors List —

Make a list of specific stressors during the holidays. Most of us know if at least a couple of situations that seem to bring up feelings of discomfort or anxiety when we think about them. Evaluate this list and assess if there is anything you can do to help decrease or manage these stressors. For example, if you are dreading the responsibilities of a special holiday meal tends to “fall on you,” then try to think creatively about options for decreasing the stress of this meal this year. Can you solicit help for part of the meal? Will purchasing the ingredients further ahead of time relieve some of your stress, etc. 

Eliminate Automatic Responses —  

Be thoughtful with your “yes” and your “no.” Here are some questions you might want to PAUSE and weigh out before giving your response: Are you going to go see your family or your partner’s family during the holidays? Which holiday parties do you attend? Who do I buy gifts for and how much do I spend? I frequently hear my clients say things like this: “Well, I can’t say “no.” We’ve “always” gone to both parents’ house for Thanksgiving.” There have been times where I have asked clients something like this: “Tell me about why you chose to go to three holiday parties this week.” One of the general responses I have heard multiple times is this: “I don’t know. I guess it was just a knee-jerk kind of response to say I could go to all of them.” Do this for me: work on pausing for a minute and weigh out what it will mean to say “yes” or “no” before giving your response. 

Know Your Limits —

Pay attention to how you or how you and your family are doing in the midst of everything you have going on during this season. If you and your family are at a holiday party and you start to notice that one of your children is acting differently than their norm, check-in with them and ask them how they are doing. If someone is feeling exhausted or overly-spent, it might be a good decision to leave the party early. Make a plan but then also have an exit plan. I’m not trying to encourage you to “hit the easy button” and check-out/“peace out” frequently over The Holidays. But I am saying that we are all human and have our physical and emotional limits. 

Self-care, Self-care, Self-care! —

If you are working on applying #1-4 on this list, then congratulations! You are already doing some things to take care of yourself. Spend some time to think through some additional things you can do (or not do) to help you feel more rested, energetic and happy. Do you tend to let your physical health slip some during The Holidays? Then it might be helpful to schedule times to go to your favorite workout classes. Could it be helpful to make sure you have some healthy snacks at the house so all the holiday cookies and cakes aren’t your “only option” when you’re at home watching The Christmas Story for the twentieth time? 

While this Holiday Game-Plan is definitely not comprehensive, we hope some of the guidance on this list helps you to take steps forward in experiencing less stress and more joy during this unique time of year!